NO GOOFY DRAWINGS TODAY; HERE'S A FUN DRUM VIDEO TO WATCH INCASE THE BLOG IS TLDR;

I'll get to the data issue momentarily but first, about the jam video. It was uploaded to youtube a couple of weeks ago but am just now getting around to blogging about it. Just another "fun" practice video today but I think my arms and tech are strengthening up with each passing week. The altitude on the mountain is probably what kills my endurance but if I can stop smoking weed and start riding my bike again I'll probably be much happier & healthier for it. The Alesis is a fun machine and I'm in love with it. Only problem I've run into is a cracked screen. Lesson learned: don't put the module too close to the hi-hats. Replacing the unique sexy display screen is impossible if you accidentally hit the module while playing exuberant 16th note patterns. Directions should include a warning about that. The screen is not fixable. They designed a huge flaw by making the screen impossible to replace and easy to break. Alesis basically told us to pony up and buy a new $800 module. Luckily we bought the drums through SweetWater who acted as an intermediary to get us a new module shipped for free. Alesis makes a great product but their customer support is "fuck you."

Content Creators: Back Up Your Data!

So I'm running into computer issues again, "blue screening" a lot. A clean reinstall of Windows would probably solve the immediate issue but I've actually convinced my fiancé to turn one of his old servers into a work computer, so I got a decent upgrade going on. Until I can get my data over I'm not doing a fresh install on the laptop but it's getting old enough that I was starting to question it's overall value. The laptop was great when we were living in an RV but I really want to go back to a dedicated desktop now. Everything of value is still on the laptop, hence no goofy chibi drawings today.

It's incredibly easy in this day and age to automatically backup your drives via cloud services. I'm an old slut for dedicated externals that can be slipped into filing cabinets. However you choose to back up your creative data: DO IT NOW. You never know when a tech issue is going to try fucking you. I've lost very little data over the years but it happens from time to time. Two tracks in particular that often get me down are I Love Him and Not Afraid Of Dying. Lost the RSN files for those tracks years ago and I'd do anything to get them back for remix/remaster. I have RSN files that go all the way back to 2008/2009 but due to hard drive failures, accidental overwrites, and bad file names I've lost data. It happens. We are just animals toying with a godlike framework of electrical signals and switches. Computers can fail, back up your zeros and ones!

If anyone is reading this, I could use a suggestion for a better video editing program. I recently tried out ShotCut but it randomly decides to not export certain text layers and frequently crashes. Also tried Da'Vinci but I had problems setting it up and would crash before starting up. I just want a program that's similar to Final Cut, free, doesn't crash, and has fadein/fadeout to black screen. Freeware video editing software is driving me crazy, what do y'all use?

On The Homestead

I've been getting a little distant and depressed lately, nothing unusual though. We all have highs and lows and I'm just feeling a little low right now. I notice a lot of artists on this site express depression, loneliness, self doubt, failures, frustrations... we're fucking artists yo. We express ourselves through our works arbitrarily because we're too autistic or psychotic to understand regular people. I can totally relate to y'all but I hate expressing those feelings on my own creative platform because it feels like those kinds of posts can scare people away from the work I'm most proud of. It happens to us all, so I do my best to put out batshit levels of positive energy in an attempt to be a better role model.

TBH, I am a shitty role model. I am not a successful artist, I'm just someone that managed to survive the droughts and lows in my 20s. I create things because they make me happy but digital/social media also makes me sad. I get anxious staring at a computer screen, alone in a small room all day, far removed from the outside world. I enjoy socializing on Discord but also regret not having more real life interactions and friends. I feel like a fucking creature that rolls around in my own filth all day... which is why I make these blog posts to remind myself what I'm actually doing out here. Tom and I are still making renovations to the house. We enclosed the porch for the winter but a custom window arrived warped so we had to put up a temporary wall for the winter which means we couldn't finish the flooring, siding, insulation, and framing. It's starting to look much better now that the final window is in place though:

...and here's an older picture of the porch after we raised the floor six inches but before we put up the walls:

The next construction project will be our sheds, the sound studio will be built this summer. We got all sorts of exciting toys for the studio space. I haven't talked about the guitars yet because we went a little overboard but I've been doing my best to learn how to play these things:

The PRS guitars are hella extra but I'm happy to share my interests with Tom, since he's the one that wanted the PRS guitars with pearl inlays and it's not like they're losing any value as they wait for us to make some more time for them. I've been having a particularly fun time with the squire bass and PRS acoustic. Neither of us feel skilled enough to play with the two guitars on the right yet but the day will come soon enough when I'm recording with these instruments. I haven't talked about them at all because I feel guilty having them around, I'm a percussionist. Fuck me and these guitars, right?

I think a small degree of my current depression stems from feeling like I don't deserve Tom, or this life. I feel like a barnacle that failed upwards. If my 20's were defined by constant challenges, deaths, hospitalizations, transitions, drug sales, and drive-bys then maybe my 30s will be defined by how everything went perfectly and I still got depressed?

AWKWARD SEGUE, THE CHICKENS ALL SURVIVED THE WINTER!! Not a single coyote, mountain lion, bear, nor skunk managed to kill a single bird from our flock. We got all four chicks last year and they're still ranging about the property, pecking at dirt like the little egg laying geniuses that they are.

I have absolutely no right feeling depressed, distant, or demanding. Life is strange. I wrote a song a long time ago called "The Meaning Of Life Is Paradox," which basically means "the grass is always greener." I hated society growing up but now that I'm so far away from it I get a little sad. In my 20s I wanted to tour, write music, and band with others. Instead I had to sell my drum kit, lost all my friends, and worked until I died. My mom died and my hands bled. I was working the landscaping industry towards something better and it felt like every day to day challenge was insurmountable. Now it feels like things are coming too easily. I'm skeptical of all the good things, worried that it could all end at any moment and I'll be right back where I started. By and large, my fiancé is the best thing to ever happen to me and I wouldn't have him if I didn't sell my drums and travel. I'd have never met him if I didn't transition. I'd still be busting my ass and inhaling herbicides right now in New York. There were massive risks in my 20s but life got better.

I feel better, but I'm still an artist that gets sads. The music doesn't make any money but pursing it feverously gained me everything I have that is good. We're artists, layered and complicated people. Things often won't make any sense but there's always a chance that tomorrow will be the day you wake up feeling better. We can pity ourselves or we can find the wisdom to make ourselves better. We can help make the people around us better. We can draw stupid shit and feel good while doing it. We can wonder when our metaphorical ships will set sail, but first everything needs to burn down around us. From those ashes, maybe a forest can grow.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆

I. Drone Footage

HELLO, wish I was making more progress on creative stuffs but I'm feeling super lazy at the moment. Woke up and stole some drone footage from my fiance, tossed some old music on top, called it a day. Lazy video:

II. Drum Footage

Also, here is some more footage of the Alesis. Longer video today, included a lot of candid practice and improvisational arm swinging. I'd love a suggestion for a free video editing program that runs like final cut and doesn't crash every ten minutes or hides key features like fadeouts behind pay walls. I'm gonna go crazy with these crummy freeware video editors.

III. tldr

oh fuck off, you could have read everything in 30 seconds or less. I made two fun videos for you today, WATCH THEM D:<

Table Of Contents:

I. Art Inspired Music Contest

II. Alesis Demo: Sequential Samples

III. Getting Married <3

IV. Memes

I. Art Inspired Music Contest [LINK]

Submission deadline: June 20th

Since It's a community event I'll get this out of the way first. I'm one of the volunteer judges and have the time to drop reviews for everyone that competes. If all goes well, I will also leave reviews for the graphic artists. Please, challenge yourselves. Go outside your comfort zones and pick art that tells a story. Honor the graphic artists by suiting your music to their illustrations, not the other way around. Being an EDM artist, it can feel really tempting to pick some colorful visual stimuli or sexy girl that suits something you're already working on. Don't do that.

Promising to review everything submitted to the contest is daunting but I obviously have the free time for this at the moment, with all the time I spend on Discord:

Yeah, I worry sometimes about how this kind of thing comes across. It's a good thing I'm living the best years of my life right now or else I'd hate myself for using my identity as a creative bludgeon...

II. Alesis Demo: Sequential Samples

Just finished another demo video of the Alesis Strike Pro SE. I'm no cinematographer, currently using the freeware ShotCut to edit these vids. The shorts are just for fun and to show friends and family the new toy. Eventually I'll start loading my own samples into the machine. The drum module contains a number of files that when played sequentially can produce melodic elements. This video is showing off the Jeff Funk bass samples and some cute chip tune sounds:

Tom made me crop the floor out of the shot, all his trash was making him self conscious. If I had known this would happen I'd have been shooting videos all over the house a year ago. The bedroom, the living room, the office, the kitchen... any room that needs to be cleaned I should be hosting streams in C:<

III. Getting Married <3

There is an official date now, sometime next year. I'd share this date and location with all of you but it's going to be a small BBQ on the front lawn, not some extravagant church publicity ritual that everyone is invited to. We have had conversations about those rituals and want the wedding to feel both genuine and humble without it putting undue stress on anyone or costing a fortune. It sounds like all of Tom's coworkers want to show up and I'm inviting one or two people from Newgrounds. I feel so distant from my childhood friends and doubt their ability to fly across the country. There are some people from my past I'd love to invite but I have so many doubts about what I mean to them now. Transitioning ten years ago changed everything. The last thing I want is for an old bandmate or childhood friend to misgender me or let slip to Tom's coworkers that I'm different. A hard thought just hit me, my late mom will not be able to attend. How is that going to feel the day of? SO MANY FUN BITTERSWEET FEELINGS TO CONTEMPLATE, YAY :D

IV. Memes

NO EXISTENTIAL THOUGHTS TODAY, ONLY HAHA FUNNY TIMES. I BRING YOU MEMES!!!

DO THESE MEMES PLEASE YOU?? DO YOU LOVE IT WHEN QUARL IS SILLY? I CAN BE SO SILLY. AAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Have a good day :3

Contents:

I. Don't Give Up Until It's Over EP

II. Art Inspired Music Contest

III. Alesis Strike Pro SE Demos

IV. Some Music Videos For Fun

I. Don't Give Up Until It Is Over EP

lmao, this EP. Back in January, Droid hosted Jamuary. This was an event in which Newgrounds musicians were inspired to write one song a day, everyday, for one month. I have so much respect for the artists that participated, even if only for a day or two. Had collaborated with [sampled] several other artists: Leavesz, Ketyri, MilkyPossum. Also wrote an OST for Bleak-Creep. I sought out permissions to include samples on my album late in March. They were all fast to respond and polite about the use of their samples. Honestly, I could have contacted them in February but am so fucking lazy. I'm debating filing for an extension on my taxes this year so I don't have to worry about them until October- I'M SO FUCKING LAZY.

(bandcamp)(newgrounds)

Shout out to some of the other artists I noticed during the event such as Casper, metalblinga, DiosselMusic, ChordsInMotion, vermeen, BeepBoxClock, TheVodouQueen, jacklehamster, trashalias, spun-earth, KamskiSketchi, Screch, Carf... and honestly anyone I just missed. Stopped myself from copy/pasting everyone in the thread when I mostly just remember Casper, metalblinga, Droid, and a few others from past events whose names are etched into my brain because they are awesome people. Newgrounds can be a furious smattering of talented artists and trying to cram in the time necessary to listen to everyone is a sad exercise in futility. More than that, I just don't participate in events often enough. Am personally quite reclusive, skittish, and animal like. On that note...

II. Art Inspired Music Contest

I've talked to random-storykeeper about joining the judges for the Art Inspired Music contest this year and will drop a review for everyone that participates. If you ever wanted an in depth music review detailing ideas, techniques, methods, theory, or just random stupid thoughts... I'm your girl. I don't often volunteer to do events that are super time consuming. I joined the panel for the AIM judges years ago and loved the experience. It's time to rejoin the fold and drop some super long reviews that make people question the quality of their headphones <3

If you are unaware of the Art Inspired Music contest, keep your eyes open for it in the coming weeks. Here is a link to the current info, projections for the contest start date is due mid April. My birthday is the 9th by the way, celebrate it by writing some killer music for the AIM. Challenge yourselves and dig for art subs that push you well outside of your comfort zones as opposed to finding an artist or sub that suits your personal styles.

Graphic artists are lovely people to make friends with. A good honest attempt at an OST for some graphic art could lead to fascinating relationships in future years. I've been commissioning graphic artists recently for things like album covers, website skins, and art swaps. Newgrounds is always at it's strongest when artists reach out and touch each other consensually.

III. Alesis Strike Pro SE Demos

I've started to record material with a recently purchased Alesis Strike Pro SE electronic drum kit. I'll include two short demo videos for funzorz, recorded straight to the drum module. I'll post more videos like this in the future, higher res. Just trying to get my drumming arms back into shape first:

These sounds and drum samples were all included in the module sound bank. Still just building kits with those built-in sounds. The module operates off an SD card, putting my own samples on these machines will be splendid... eventually. You can set up samples to play sequentially one after the other but I have no idea how to do that yet. I can put one-off sounds onto the card but will eventually start translating some of my songs into those sequential samples. I'm also just enjoying the opportunity to play the drums again. I moved into an RV with an aspie almost five years ago. Setting up an acoustic kit has not been an option for years AND IT'S BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY. You think I started beat-boxing because I love mouth music? NO, I SOLD MY DRUM KIT IN 2012 SO I COULD DRIVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND SLEEP WITH PEOPLE TWICE MY AGE. I BEAT-BOX BECAUSE I HAD NO DRUMS AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. I AM GOING TO PLAY DRUMS EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE, NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

*cough*

IV. Some Music Videos For Fun

So obviously I love my new drum kit. I hope to eventually cross something between the technical drumming skills of Louis Cole and the accessibility of French Kiwi Juice. These are two of my favorite artists at the moment:

You can watch these two all day, they have such amazing funk. Another artist with some serious style points is Newgrounds Trumpet guru and old friend, Mihai Sorohan. LOOK AT HIM:

There are so many talented people that cruise through Newgrounds and disappear over the years. This website doesn't retain all of it's talent because to be totally honest, there isn't a whole lot in the way of upward mobility here. It's a small ecosystem of creative dynamos and Newgrounds is lucky to have experienced people like Sorohan roll through from time to time. The creative world can feel stifling and sometimes elite. In the absence of "elite," this website manages to exude an underground, cult-like environment. Someone recently called me mistress and I'm too conflicted to correct them because it just jives with the nature of this website and I'm way too easily amused by it. I'm giving all of you permission to start calling me mistress, if only because of the new album. Mistress demands you go listen to it.

I also have a Newgrounds playlist featuring all 30 songs free of charge. I'd say something humiliating about downloading tracks for free vs buying them from bandcamp but my heart isn't 100% into this whole mistress thing. There are way too many kids running around this hentai website and I don't necessarily want to encourage bad behavior D:

Oh fuck, more jazz:

Also, this band again because yes:

...and finally, something funny:

Thank you for stopping by and dropping emoticons on this post despite it's questionable value to humanity. I could have donated energy or money to something useful but instead stayed up late, posted music videos, and drawings of my friends riding racoons. Shout out to Ketyri and Bleak-Creep for keeping it real, riding raccoons into the sunset with me <3 <3

Feeling overwhelmed because I typed too much? A table of contents to help you skip things:

Section I: Where is Quarl?

It's been a few months and I'm starting to let certain creative projects slip from my focus. Stopping me from turning my Jamuary tracks into an album is the fact that I still need to contact some of the artists I covered or remixed for clearance. I'm not about to post those tracks to Bandcamp without their permissions and I haven't bothered to take the time to write three or four short private messages. Am feeling hella lazy. I was also slightly deterred at the prospect of remastering 30 tracks, fixing a bad mix down can often feel impossible. If I lack clearance for those covers I'll just throw together an abridged EP featuring the best tracks from those original 30. I don't make any money from EPs so there is very little motivation to do so. I actually don't make any money at the moment, oops.

Section II: Building a Studio Space

Another reason I'm not so active revolves around the equipment my fiance and I have been loading up on. I've been learning how to program my new Alesis Pro SE electronic drum kit and getting the old arms back in shape. I see so much potential for the Alesis as a creative tool, the machine can be programmed to play all sorts of genres.

Here's a neat demo video from SweetWater if you want to see the Alesis kit in action. Eventually I'll make something original with it, we also bought GoPros, and a Model 12 Tascam mixing board.

I've collected a few stem folders from friends on my desktop but the thought of putting in the dirty work necessary to make good remixes feels daunting compared to instant gratification I'm getting from the drum kit. I'm having so much fun with it. Haven't been able to set up my acoustic drums for about 5 years now, my fiance has ASD. He's not super sensitive to loud noises like some aspies but I've always worried about his ears in regards to the drum kit. Don't want to hurt my kitties either, literally all ears can be damaged. Drums are so loud, having a drum kit that can be programmed or even turned "off" is such a godsend.

Another Alesis demo video, drum battle.

We're going to build a studio space this summer for all of our music equipment. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time but have always had to compromise for living situations or budget. Having a dedicated creative space is a huge prospect because a digital space can begin to feel claustrophobic. I currently despise looking at my computer, especially after watching something like this:

Now I want to jam in a salt flat at sunset filmed by drones and surrounded by expensive music equipment, help D:



Section III: Ukraine

There's also the depressing state of affairs in Ukraine right now which is taking up a huge emotional space in my psyche. Tom and I will cycle through news stations through out the day and lament on all the sad images and experiences being created in Ukraine right now. I can't even derive happiness from video games, everything feels so insignificant and selfish. Having a hard time finding the justification to finish an EP that will only sell one copy while Putin is literally threatening a nuclear World War III. How do you people sleep at night? Nuclear war will kill us all.

Section IV: GLBT stuff, skip if hetero

Hopefully I'll get some positive energy when Spring rolls around. I had deleted some thoughts from my last track's commentary because I just felt stupid with everything going on. It takes a constant reminder that my place here on Newgrounds has evolved from "one of the kids" to "one of the adults."

Working with Bleak-Creep on "Us" has me feeling all sorts of things. Role models are an important aspect of life. We all need them. I've been living such an awesome life these last few years, I feel like it's necessary to point out that I've had some really dark years too. There are a lot of young people that roll through Newgrounds and I'm not one of them anymore. I sometimes act spontaneously to try and emulate the creative environment that I grew up in. I can be more than a little impetuous sometimes. There have been some real psychopaths on this website, from time to time I have looked up to them for their work. I don't necessarily want to be one of them.

Awkward segue because I don't like talking about it, I'm a trans woman. I prefer living a normal life, fitting in with the women around me. Standing out and being some kind of role model is an unattractive idea. Out of art school I tried to pioneer some kind of rock'n'roll lifestyle across the country with only $5,000 in my bank account from a quick summer gig. I ended up failing after one year but gained so much from the experience. On the drive to California I stopped for one night in Missouri Springfield to meet a friend from Newgrounds who was going through her own transition. Had I not made that one stop, my entire life would be different. I would visit her again a couple of years later in Miami Florida, where she was rooming with my current fiance. I have a huge amount of respect for Devyn, and look up to her as a tremendous role model. She's a person I continue to feel drawn to because every time I meet her my life seems to change for the better.

I don't like talking about my past or getting outed by people but honestly, I'm in a strange position to be a positive role model. If you're dealing with suicidal or hurt feelings, seek some degree of professional help. I feel a very important step on everyone's journey is to experience new things. So seek out healthy, positive experiences. Do some soul searching, grow, be brave.

In Oakland I'd get sick of the street noises. I had to keep my apartment room window open to vent a smelly litter box. The city cross walks beeped at all hours of the day to help a local deaf community get around the neighborhood. The street sweepers would come through @ 2-3 AM every morning to give people parking tickets. Living close to Korea-town at the time, I slowly learned to tell the difference between fireworks and drive-by shootings. The whole city had undertones of gang activity. There was an impromptu meth lab two doors down from mine run by a guy named Jimmy, sex workers and pimps were busy working unimpeded by the landlords. Oakland was a very difficult time. Felt like I was on my own fighting the world, payed my bills with money from the marijuana industry. I'd make "sanity" car trips about 45 minutes out of San Francisco once a month to sit on the beach of Half Moon Bay to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere and good sounds. I needed that small escape from the city and would sometimes take a few friends that couldn't get out on their own. It was always a wonderful trip and the drive along route 1 was uniquely beautiful.

Oakland itself was hard but it was no where near as hard as losing my mother when I was 25, suicide. A very close cousin passed away shortly after she did, overdose. Because terrible things happen in threes, the dog died of face cancer within three months of everyone else. My sense of color dulled immensely during that time. Everyone experiences tragic loss eventually, maybe Ukraine is reminding me about it. My sense of color eventually came back but I'm going to take this moment to awkwardly segue into the final section...

Section V: Uplifting blog outro that includes an ad for my Bandcamp page

Life is nuts, try to enjoy things. Take a few risks but don't die. Be spontaneous creative machines. Just because you don't become some glamorous rock star doesn't mean you can't live meaningful, creative lives. Travel a little. Be fucking real. And because I'm some huge sell out, check out my Bandcamp page. The only person that bought a digital copy of No Boundaries was the guy that drew up the art, you damn jobless slackers. Don't diss MindChamber like that. Go buy a digital EP and slather yourself in the dissociative feelings my weird-ass music will give you. It's only unpleasant if you choose to experience it with the realistic outlook that it's just a bunch of noise and those noises displease you. Reality can be anything! If my music displeases you, try pretending that it's actually your favorite band, they're trying something new, and you love it.

Section VI: tldr

tldr, yes. very long.

Sincerest feelings,

Quarl

So tomorrow at 1:15 EST I will be hosting a panel:

I've prepared a very simple slideshow with lecture, about 30-35 minutes with an intended Q&A at the end. I'll answer some questions from the Discord app so do try to get in on that channel if you have any questions in regards to music. Apparently there is also a youtube stream, I won't be plugged into that.

The lecture will cover Beatboxing as an affordable means to introduce people to the world of music. Though I've spent thousands on drum kits, DAWs, PA systems, the human mouth will always be the most affordable perspective to get started with. We have a lot of voice actors on Newgrounds so I'm hopeful some might tune in and learn. It took me a long time to learn how to respect people that approach the world of music via their voices. It's an instrument that seemingly comes naturally to some and painfully to others. Beatboxing is a fun approach that allows you to use phonetic sounds and phrases you already know how to make to create music.

There will be additional stories about my own life and experiences with the NYC Beatbox family, how to approach stage freight, taking advantage of open mic nights, a very brief history of western music, creating your own visual language or sheet music...

(Advanced Techniques for the Modern Drummer, Volume I: Jim Chapin)

Don't be intimidated by these staffs, they literally alternate between two notes. Why draw 5 horizontal lines when you can just draw one? INVENT YOUR OWN VISUAL LANGUAGE, WHO CARES? MUSIC IS FOR EVERYONE. MAKE NOISE.

There will be a segment on divorcing sound from music as a means of finding joy in simple sound. Topics include: Gregorian Chant, John Cage, Russian Romantic era vs American Country music... there will be a handful of poorly drawn slides that I threw together at the last minute! COME HAVE FUN WITH US ALL!

I'm gonna keep plugging my No Boundaries EP, Us Chapter 3 (Bleak-Creep has Episode 4 on the way), and of course this Jamuary non-sense. I'm looking at this panel as a means of wrapping up Jamuary. If you havn't been following it, a few of us in the forums have been writing a song everyday. IT'S BEEN NUTS, PLEASE NO MORE MUSIC I'M SICK OF WRITING MUSIC. I HAVEN'T CLEANED THE TOILET IN A MONTH IT HAS IT'S OWN ECOSYSTEM D: D: D:

EP Illustration: MindChamber

Wasting my front page privileges on a Monday? BRING IT ON RELATIVE OBSCURITY, I EAT MISANTHROPY FOR BREAKFAST.

Table of Contents:

I. Newgrounds Winter Festival

II. Jamuary

III. "Us" Chapter 3

IV. No Boundaries EP

V. Building A Cave In The Snow

VI. Random Music Videos

VII. TLDR

I. Newgrounds Winter Festival

I have a lot of little things going on. Unless I screw up my schedule I'll be hosting a panel for the Winter Festival @ 1:15 pm, EST on Sunday the 30th. The last time I was invited to a podcast by ThatJohnnyGuy I wrote the wrong day in my calendar and missed out. Sad face :C

I forget exactly what I wrote in my application to get accepted for the festival but I plan on doing an audio lecture on beat boxing, music making, stage performance, public speaking, touring, budgeting your sound, and so on. I'll probably start the lecture by mentioning how I built my first drum kit in middle school out of pots and pans and wooden dowels, moved into drumming for bands in High School, then segue into beat boxing as an affordable alternative to music making. I got to know the NYC beat box scene a little bit (Napom, Bloomer, Chris, Gene, Kaila, Kenny Urban) and then participated in the 2017 North American Beat Box Championships. In other words this lecture is not going to come from a perspective that lacks experience. If you want a head start on the lecture, google: beatbox BTK.

II. Jamuary

A song a day? Terrible. I'm slowly collecting all the tunes I'm writing for an EP called "Don't Give Up Until It's Over." Click that link to listen to the progress, this includes free downloads. I've decided to use a photograph from my late mother's photo album. She grew up near Albuquerque and took photos of the hot air balloon festival there shortly before she passed away. In regards to the album, the balloons represent things being over metaphorically and literally. "Hey look, those balloons are over our heads. I guess we should give up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

III. "Us" Chapter 3

This is one of my favorite projects to work on. I'm incredibly grateful to Bleak-Creep for these song writing commissions. Her cartoon series focuses on the developing relationship between two young girls. I don't want to give any of the plot away but it's a coming of age story wonderfully rendered in pastel colors. GLBT trigger warning, though it hurts to say that. If you find GLBT topics annoyingly in your face, try burying your head in the sand? I bury my head in the sand all the damn time AND SO CAN YOU.

IV. No Boundaries EP

Gotta keep pushing this. It can be very hard to self promote, I hate begging. This is a very special album to me and I had commissioned MindChamber for the cover art. I have a larger blog about it here but if you don't feel like reading that then here is the BandCamp link to album and here is a Newgrounds Playlist for free downloads because I know my audience is young or can't afford luxuries.

V. Building A Snow Cave

As detailed in previous blogs, I moved off grid with my fiance a while ago. We're up in the mountains of Colorado, specifically Groundhog/LoneCone/BlackMesa. We went out the other night to build a snow cave and ice fish. It got dark way too early to ice fish but we were cozy in our little cave. You make a small fire to melt the walls a little which then refreezes to create stability and insulation. If you have all the right survival gear and a good plan it's actually quite fun. We don't plan on getting lost in the mountains any time soon but it was a great exercise.

VI. Random Music Videos

Look, if your a musician or composer it helps to have inspiration from various places and backgrounds. The following videos are bands and artists that I love watching. Writing music isn't enough, you need to find creative ways to share your funk with the world and these artists are all doing it in their own amazing ways.

Martha Argerich is my romantic era piano concerto goddess, but Hiromi is right up there with her. Hiromi is an incredibly inventive jazz player and world class talent. Here's a solo video of her just having fun in front of an incredibly talented but silent band. A little weird when she gets inside the piano to play the lower register like a stand up bass but WHO CARES, SHE'S AMAZING.

This performance by Bruno Mars and Anderson Paak is infectious. I love watching everyone in this video get down in perfect harmony. Writing the lyrics for this must have been a blast :3

I've probably shared this Reggie Watts video before but it's a fucking trip. I watch this video like once a month because of how ridiculously out there it is. Reggie is an improvisational comedian and music maker. He walks out on stage this time in an ensemble I can only call "The King Of RnB." Reggie is a total clown in the same vein as Marc Rebillet or Beardy Man but these clowns can spawn incredible music. You can tell the band wasn't expecting to jump in from certain ques. The guitar player turns to the band to tell them the key to play in. A bass player hits a wrong note when everyone takes a rest. These guys are all pros so stuff like that is noteworthy. It's an amazing performance if you can sit still for the first few awkward minutes:

I love this next band. They all met at Berklee College of Music in Boston, a guitar player I went to highschool with was asked to play violin for them but he turned them down WHY JACK?? To be fair, Jack had his own thing at the time. I've shared some of their music videos before but not this one. The whole band has a wonderful time performing together. I'd kill for friends like this to jam with:

Ending on a fun note, Luis Cole is a creative fucking dynamo. You might recognize him behind the drums for his clown core side project or from his Knower EDM alias. He's also an incredibly steady jazz drummer. He always seems to have fun regardless of genre or style. I'm sharing the following video because MC Hammer pants.

VII. TLDR

Thank you for stopping by and reading some of this stuff or watching some musics. So much is happening and I literally wasted a couple of hours on this post. DON'T BE LIKE ME. GO MAKE ART. GO MAKE MUSIC. GO DO THINGS.

tldr; there is literally a table of contents at the top of this page. Just go back and read that instead :D

[NO BOUNDARIES ON BANDCAMP] [NO BOUNDARIES ON NEWGROUNDS]

About this time last year I put out a digital EP called Almost Orgasmic via BandCamp. At the time I was looking at that album like it was my best work to date. I'm equally happy with the work that was put into this more recent album however and hope people will give it a chance. If you don't have the money for purchases feel free to download tracks here on Newgrounds. I've compiled a No Boundaries playlist for easy listening and access.

Before I get any further, shout out to MindChamber and Garnet-Frost for helping me design a new look. I commissioned both of them on similar missions to draw up portraits. This was inspired by events of Robot Day so the general theme was "make Quarl look like a robot and enjoy yourselves while doing it." The end result is two portraits that I'm still gushing over. I didn't think at the time to mention to Garnet that I was working on an EP, so MindChamber had more directions that were given. It was a small oversight on my part but hopefully everyone is happy :)

Back onto the EP, I've always loved the feeling that comes with seeing how many people are downloading my tracks. I get off on the idea that other people are listening to my work while driving around with their friends or packing bongs in college dorms. It's why I continue to offer my music for free despite poor BandCamp sales. I also have a Patreon account with one follower but haven't activated it in a while because I feel like it's improperly taking advantage of my friend Sorohano. Go give him some love, his Jazz/Rock fusion is fucking amazing.

Money has never been very important to me, even when I needed it. I currently have a good life with certain luxuries that I'm thankful for but it hasn't always been that way. I know what it feels like to starve for days because money was tight. I know what it means to hustle to keep a shitty broken roof over your head. I'm in no such danger anymore so please, if you don't have much money or your future is looking bleak DO NOT BUY MY ALBUM. Each individual track will remain free on Newgrounds. If there are other things you can spend your money on, I'd advise it.

I've put off releasing this EP so that I could master everything and upload/share RSN files for all the tracks but I'm losing interest in all the extra foot work and my upload speeds can be a little grating at times. I'll try uploading those RSN files later and will update this post when all that tedious shit is done but feel free to download some of the RSN files that are already uploaded to my googledrive. These files are meant to be used for remixing, learning, and generally having fun. If you use my files please let me know and show me the results. Remember to give me some social credit via tagging and linking. If you do not own a copy of Reason I might recommend downloading the trial version so that you can open these RSN files :)

Punch Drunk

Sounds Nothing Alike

I Only Shine When Standing In Your Reflection

Completely off the subject of music, winter is coming to Colorado and all the work we've put into the homestead has been paying off. Tom and I moved off grid back in late May and have spent this time renovating a cabin in the mountains. I don't want to risk taking credit for too much, Tom has incredible engineering skills. The solar array we put up generates enough electricity from 56 panels to charge our batteries every morning, heat the house on electric, run servers, hydroponics, and luxuries like fridges & freezers. Tom just added more battery capacity this week so we can safely run for 5 days on stored battery power. If the power system were to fail or we experience constant overcast we can run a propane generator to charge the batteries or run the house. We got all the work done on the cisterns too. We have enough water underground to last the winter and can harvest snowfall from the roof via gutters & roof cleats. We heat the roof so snow melt will run into two 55 gallon basement drums that pump gradually into our underground tanks. Food has been stored, warm clothes purchased.

We're happy to see the first actual snowfall. We're still waiting on the snow mobile, should arrive within the next ten days. Hopefully the side by side is the only emergency vehicle we need but it's good to have a redundant UTV. One of our custom glass windows arrived broken and couldn't be quickly replaced so the work we've put into enclosing the porch has to be finished in the spring. We still got enough work done to use the space. We raised forms, installed insulation, OSB board, protective (but temporary) t-111 siding, a pellet stove, and enough flooring for the stove. We got 4 windows up but because of that stupid broken window situation I have to look at this all winter:

Woe is me, but seriously I couldn't be happier. The work on the homestead will continue but we've accomplished everything we needed to consider our efforts a complete success. Thank you for stopping by and remember to check out No Boundaries!! Also remember not to buy it because fuck me, it's free on Newgrounds! Seriously, just download it for free! This is free. Download it for free >:C

EDIT [9-28-21]: If you've noticed the new banner, it's a recent commission by the talented Garnet-Frost. I'll blog about it soon but I have also commissioned some album art from another artist and when they're both done I'll make a joint front page post about their work. It feels incredibly vain to ask for portrait commissions but I'm so happy with the work that I'm feeling silly about it. Thank you Jackie, I'm in love with this ridiculous thing.

In regards to the blog title, I wanted to focus this specific post on the paradoxical nature of life.

Everything is amazing right now. My life is at a certain point where everything feels perfect. I'm living a creative life off grid with a partner that is supporting this crazy chicken-owning life style. We have a beautiful piece of land in the middle of nowhere, hours away from any meaningful civilization, surrounded by mountains. Despite the amount of love I'm receiving from my fiance, I still woke up the other night with feelings of doubt and anxiety.

Was around four o'clock, after midnight, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I'm in a big bed with a snoring fiance, staring into the glow of my Newgrounds account wondering why I'm not a more successful artist. Fuck me, my life is objectively perfect and I still crave notifications and social confirmation from small, ridiculous communities? Let's sequester several minutes to take stock of a few things...

I am basically finished with a new EP, but I'm putting off releasing it for now. There's always more work you can do to an album but I'm experimenting with a couple of artist commissions. I asked two artists for some vanity drawings, something along the lines of "draw a sexy robot quarl, or just draw a quarl :3 idk" and I told at least one of them that I'm working on an EP that could use art. I'm waiting to see if these two get back to me because I'm excited by the idea of paying someone else to do the art for an album. Fuck my expensive BFA, drawing does not bring me any happiness. This is a decent means to funnel that 2nd place Robot Day money back into the community that helped raise me.

Here's a few failed concept arts for the new album:

yeah, I'm just gonna pay someone else instead.

Today, Tom an I are making use of a skid-steer to cover our cisterns with enough dirt to protect them from frost. We're burying enough gallons to last us 6 months. We've also set up a means to harvest rainfall or snow in an emergency. The system currently in place uses our roof gutters and it recently net us 1,000 gallons in one rainfall. We're putting the finishing touches on the solar array by contracting a couple of carpenters to help build wooden mounting units. Our array has been laying on the grass collecting energy since day one. It's also been killing the grass so I'm stoked to get them up off the ground finally. On a similarly plant related note, our hydroponic vegetables are doing really good. We'll be covered in snow this winter and still manage some home grown salads :D :D

Those same two carpenters I mentioned are helping us close off our porch so we have more square footage this winter. We've ordered a pellet stove for heat, next year we plan on installing a redundant geothermal heat source to take some stress off of the pellet stove/propane tank. The house's power grid can be hooked up to a propane generator, again in case of emergency. HEAT REDUNDANCIES!! WOOHOO!!

So with all this in mind, why am I waking up feeling like an anxious failure? Is it because I told my 2007 highschool graduating class "I'd work for Disney one day" and failed? Is it because I'm not some rock and roll legend that died of drugs or suicide when I was 27? Is it because I never found a better platform to share my work than Newgrounds? My working theory revolves around the fact that I'm only human. Life is so fucking good right now but I guess I'll always have a small place in my heart for feelings of self doubt and anxiety.

Fuck me I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It might be time to start working on a new digital album. Will stop uploading material for a little while whilst improving old RSN files to try and get everything at tip-top quality. All RSN files should eventually be made available for download if anyone is interested in learning how to use Propellerhead's Reason. I've been making my RSN files available lately and the goal is to get more young people composing in a DAW that I love. Everyone cracks FL and I won't advocate anything illegal on my blog but I'm sure there are similar work arounds for Reason. I may have started composing on a cracked version of Reason 4 in college 15 years ago, who knows! In anycase, you can download a trial version of Reason and open my RSN files to start learning. From there, the journey is in your hands. Welcome to Narnia.

RSN files: Sounds Nothing Alike, I Only Shine When Standing In Your Reflection, Punch Drunk

Worth mentioning, I'm dropping out of the Newgrounds Audio Deathmatch. This decision has a lot to do with how embarrassed I felt when they released brackets of round 2 then changed them a week later in regards to an error in their scoring. Furthering my resolve is a debate revolving around a bad rule that the tournament organizers have doubled down on. It sounds like in previous years, a contest entrant under the age of 18 could not receive prizes because of an abusive situation at home. As a result, the NGADM organizers did not allow anyone under the age of 18 to compete this year. I know they make subtle changes to the rules from year to year to try and make the tournament more inclusive, but it seems incredibly counter intuitive to ban eligible teens on the premise that some kids have an abusive situation at home. It also fucked with the brackets when they silently removed all teenagers AFTER the brackets had been made. They then replaced all those former contestants with people from a "back up pool" making a lot of users hella confused.

They defend the "no kids allowed" rule by saying "ya'll should have complained months ago, we released the rules 6 months ago, get fucked." IMO, I don't care how long it takes a community to read a set of rules. We have the right to point out how fucked a specific rule is whenever we want and they can decide whether it gets fixed in subsequent years. A bad rule is a bad rule. Address it reasonably instead of lashing out at community members and making the rest of us feel alienated, embarrassed, and confused.

"Everything by Everyone," or the problems of the future today. I'm 32 now but I know what it's like being a kid here. The older regulars now were once young people too. I remember what Newgrounds felt like in the era after the Columbine school shooting. I remember that 90's energy and the silly dial up noises the modem would make connecting to the internet. I remember making flash cartoons in highschool, 2003-2007. There was so much creative energy, and among that sprawl of young people were a handful of older users and staff. I think it's fair to say that I'm one of those old peeps now.

At a certain point in my life I stopped pursing a career in education. The education minor on my BFA would have cost another year or two in an expensive University. In that small span of time, I learned how much I love teaching young people. If anyone has questions about Reason or if you want a specific song RSN file from me, I will make the time necessary to communicate with you. Newgrounds is first and foremost, for young enthusiasts that otherwise might not have a creative outlet elsewhere. Things have never been perfect here. I've heard some of the older users utter disillusioned statements like "Newgrounds isn't the same" or "Newgrounds has gone downhill" or "Newgrounds is shit now." The truth is, Newgrounds is very much the same as it always has been. It's still a great resource for young people. It isn't really that Newgrounds has changed for the worst. Rather, we kids have grown and we have changed. Newgrounds is still awesome.

Everything by Everyone. It's more than a catchphrase.