NO GOOFY DRAWINGS TODAY; HERE'S A FUN DRUM VIDEO TO WATCH INCASE THE BLOG IS TLDR;
I'll get to the data issue momentarily but first, about the jam video. It was uploaded to youtube a couple of weeks ago but am just now getting around to blogging about it. Just another "fun" practice video today but I think my arms and tech are strengthening up with each passing week. The altitude on the mountain is probably what kills my endurance but if I can stop smoking weed and start riding my bike again I'll probably be much happier & healthier for it. The Alesis is a fun machine and I'm in love with it. Only problem I've run into is a cracked screen. Lesson learned: don't put the module too close to the hi-hats. Replacing the unique sexy display screen is impossible if you accidentally hit the module while playing exuberant 16th note patterns. Directions should include a warning about that. The screen is not fixable. They designed a huge flaw by making the screen impossible to replace and easy to break. Alesis basically told us to pony up and buy a new $800 module. Luckily we bought the drums through SweetWater who acted as an intermediary to get us a new module shipped for free. Alesis makes a great product but their customer support is "fuck you."
Content Creators: Back Up Your Data!
So I'm running into computer issues again, "blue screening" a lot. A clean reinstall of Windows would probably solve the immediate issue but I've actually convinced my fiancé to turn one of his old servers into a work computer, so I got a decent upgrade going on. Until I can get my data over I'm not doing a fresh install on the laptop but it's getting old enough that I was starting to question it's overall value. The laptop was great when we were living in an RV but I really want to go back to a dedicated desktop now. Everything of value is still on the laptop, hence no goofy chibi drawings today.
It's incredibly easy in this day and age to automatically backup your drives via cloud services. I'm an old slut for dedicated externals that can be slipped into filing cabinets. However you choose to back up your creative data: DO IT NOW. You never know when a tech issue is going to try fucking you. I've lost very little data over the years but it happens from time to time. Two tracks in particular that often get me down are I Love Him and Not Afraid Of Dying. Lost the RSN files for those tracks years ago and I'd do anything to get them back for remix/remaster. I have RSN files that go all the way back to 2008/2009 but due to hard drive failures, accidental overwrites, and bad file names I've lost data. It happens. We are just animals toying with a godlike framework of electrical signals and switches. Computers can fail, back up your zeros and ones!
If anyone is reading this, I could use a suggestion for a better video editing program. I recently tried out ShotCut but it randomly decides to not export certain text layers and frequently crashes. Also tried Da'Vinci but I had problems setting it up and would crash before starting up. I just want a program that's similar to Final Cut, free, doesn't crash, and has fadein/fadeout to black screen. Freeware video editing software is driving me crazy, what do y'all use?
On The Homestead
I've been getting a little distant and depressed lately, nothing unusual though. We all have highs and lows and I'm just feeling a little low right now. I notice a lot of artists on this site express depression, loneliness, self doubt, failures, frustrations... we're fucking artists yo. We express ourselves through our works arbitrarily because we're too autistic or psychotic to understand regular people. I can totally relate to y'all but I hate expressing those feelings on my own creative platform because it feels like those kinds of posts can scare people away from the work I'm most proud of. It happens to us all, so I do my best to put out batshit levels of positive energy in an attempt to be a better role model.
TBH, I am a shitty role model. I am not a successful artist, I'm just someone that managed to survive the droughts and lows in my 20s. I create things because they make me happy but digital/social media also makes me sad. I get anxious staring at a computer screen, alone in a small room all day, far removed from the outside world. I enjoy socializing on Discord but also regret not having more real life interactions and friends. I feel like a fucking creature that rolls around in my own filth all day... which is why I make these blog posts to remind myself what I'm actually doing out here. Tom and I are still making renovations to the house. We enclosed the porch for the winter but a custom window arrived warped so we had to put up a temporary wall for the winter which means we couldn't finish the flooring, siding, insulation, and framing. It's starting to look much better now that the final window is in place though:
...and here's an older picture of the porch after we raised the floor six inches but before we put up the walls:
The next construction project will be our sheds, the sound studio will be built this summer. We got all sorts of exciting toys for the studio space. I haven't talked about the guitars yet because we went a little overboard but I've been doing my best to learn how to play these things:
The PRS guitars are hella extra but I'm happy to share my interests with Tom, since he's the one that wanted the PRS guitars with pearl inlays and it's not like they're losing any value as they wait for us to make some more time for them. I've been having a particularly fun time with the squire bass and PRS acoustic. Neither of us feel skilled enough to play with the two guitars on the right yet but the day will come soon enough when I'm recording with these instruments. I haven't talked about them at all because I feel guilty having them around, I'm a percussionist. Fuck me and these guitars, right?
I think a small degree of my current depression stems from feeling like I don't deserve Tom, or this life. I feel like a barnacle that failed upwards. If my 20's were defined by constant challenges, deaths, hospitalizations, transitions, drug sales, and drive-bys then maybe my 30s will be defined by how everything went perfectly and I still got depressed?
AWKWARD SEGUE, THE CHICKENS ALL SURVIVED THE WINTER!! Not a single coyote, mountain lion, bear, nor skunk managed to kill a single bird from our flock. We got all four chicks last year and they're still ranging about the property, pecking at dirt like the little egg laying geniuses that they are.
I have absolutely no right feeling depressed, distant, or demanding. Life is strange. I wrote a song a long time ago called "The Meaning Of Life Is Paradox," which basically means "the grass is always greener." I hated society growing up but now that I'm so far away from it I get a little sad. In my 20s I wanted to tour, write music, and band with others. Instead I had to sell my drum kit, lost all my friends, and worked until I died. My mom died and my hands bled. I was working the landscaping industry towards something better and it felt like every day to day challenge was insurmountable. Now it feels like things are coming too easily. I'm skeptical of all the good things, worried that it could all end at any moment and I'll be right back where I started. By and large, my fiancé is the best thing to ever happen to me and I wouldn't have him if I didn't sell my drums and travel. I'd have never met him if I didn't transition. I'd still be busting my ass and inhaling herbicides right now in New York. There were massive risks in my 20s but life got better.
I feel better, but I'm still an artist that gets sads. The music doesn't make any money but pursing it feverously gained me everything I have that is good. We're artists, layered and complicated people. Things often won't make any sense but there's always a chance that tomorrow will be the day you wake up feeling better. We can pity ourselves or we can find the wisdom to make ourselves better. We can help make the people around us better. We can draw stupid shit and feel good while doing it. We can wonder when our metaphorical ships will set sail, but first everything needs to burn down around us. From those ashes, maybe a forest can grow.
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆
Gimmick
Most everyone could stand to back up their data, content creator or not. I recently had to factory reset my phone due to a phonebreaking glitch in MIUI, and even though I didn't have too much data on my phone, I was still pissed after losing all the data on it.
There's a bit of a paradox with backups: for the average person, you never really think twice when they're there, most often they're there for your peace of mind rather than a necessity. If/when you lose your data, you're going to resent not taking a backup, but if you DID take one, odds are you might find that they weren't really all that necessary anyways. That is, it's there, it's available for you to use but you can always go back to the data anytime in the future. You don't really NEED it as much as you thought.
Except for the odd file here or there, and there's always going to be those cases...in which case you better hope the backups were working! Which leads me to the next point: make sure the backups actually work! Nothing worse than thinking there's a backup of everything, only to later find out the backups themselves have failed.
(There's an allegory in there, I leave it as an exercise for the reader to find.)
We could all benefit from learning philosophy. If there's one thing everyone knows, it's the search for the meaning of life, and that's a topic that has been well trodden in the past. It's far easier said than done, though, and I attribute that in part to the neglect towards the liberal arts over the past how many years. I plan to read Le Petit Prince sometime in the future, although god knows when I'll get around to it, considering that the last time I actually had the werewithal to read a book was probably 3 years or so ago. (There's a lot to unpack in that last sentence, but that's for another time.)
Quarl
I always have an old external HD with back ups somewhere, I'm a data hoarder. Though I could always start from scratch there is something rewarding about opening up really old files and smelling the nostalgia. I've had a lot of fun with remixing and repurposing old rsn files this year :'D
I just realized I have really old dnb collab files with Fox Stevenson. Those would be hella funny to play with right now...
Thank you for commenting Gimmick. Your thoughts on philosophy, arts, and books are refreshing. There is so much to be gained in self reflection but at a certain point it can get unhealthy. There is some "spiritual" balance that people need to find, if you want to call it that. I can respect aspects of meditation, choirs, community. I've started calling Newgrounds a religion. I've considered praying once a day in the general direction of the Glenside office and I know I can find the right peer pressure if I post that thought in the general forums...