I made a new friend! Her name is Lumpy, she's a great white shark. Yes, she is made of snow but don't tell her I said that. I'm worried existentialism could cause her to start melting...

I try to refrain from blogging if I don't have "news" so the shark was originally going to be my excuse. Lucky me, I also tossed together a few videos this week to try and make new friends elsewhere on the internet. Lossy audio quality on Youtube, it's really not my favorite platform but at least they have embed codes:

I got a little discouraged recently when I tried to promote in a new community. The shorter two videos above were originally meant for r/dubstep. To be fair, r/dubstep has a rule against "shameless self promotion" but as someone that lives with a constant demeanor of shame I'm left with little to no ability to quantify their rule. I left their dubstep cult within 24 hours of joining it because they obviously lack a unified philosophy that involves fostering new talent. Instead they favor the promotion of big names on big labels pushed by big redditors. I've likewise left other communities shortly after joining because of similar vibes. Over the years it's become apparent to me that many of these communities are run by hungry fans, not the exceptional individuals that they worship.

I've developed a massive distaste for labels, scenes, fan clubs, festivals, gate keepers, and generally haters. I'm as introverted as any of them come but there's never a sense of comradery or kinship amongst fellow basement dwellers. Our digitized music commoditizes us away from being people, turning us into just loud noises on niche web pages. I've been trying desperately for 20 years to develop my own style while simultaneously trying to appeal to listeners that want their music in ways so specific that they can only get off from one or two artists or genres. I always come back to Newgrounds because it's my safe space. It's a rare space that fosters creativity, knowledge, and community of all kinds and all ages.

I'm experiencing relatively typical feelings of what it's like to be an independent "content creator." Some of us spend our entire lives banging our heads against walls while seeking out validation from communities that would prefer our work to sound or look just like someone else's. Despite EDM having it's roots in the Avant-garde, it has long since become a realm run by the few and the wealthy. Artists are encouraged to sound just like one another so that our tunes can be shoved into DJ sets that we can't even afford to go see. We're forced to stand on each other's shoulders to wade water in an attempt to attract the attention of labels that don't take any time to send out emails telling us whether or not our mixes have an ounce of chutzpah or how we can network to other labels that might willingly receive the work.

I'm once again being overly dramatic, there's a lot I'm not doing to help myself (I avoid uploading to Spotify for example). I'm sure my perspective lacks a lot of nuance but I'm still trying to process feelings from the money I spent producing the $pare ¢hange EP back in September and the lack of any attention it's gotten. My end goal with any EP is to break even. This time the EP was produced at a cost but it's not the lack of profit I'm upset about, it's the lack of any real traction after doing this shit for so long. I'm hardly unique, many artists exist in weird antisocial bubbles. I've spent some of my personal money over the years trying to support my peers knowing full well that they probably feel the same way that I do from time to time. Being a creative person fucking sucks when your honest attempts to try and promote your work get written off as obnoxious, annoying, or inconvenient to a community that's supposedly all about what you do. I'm not about to create an alt to push my music or beg them for their love.

The older I get the more I want to become some kind of care-free unicorn that survives on candy and grass but it only becomes more obvious that I crave hard sought attention. I complain about my own EP sales while telling people to pirate my work because it's honestly not about the money. I just want some of these assholes to look at my music for a moment and realize that I have a fucking soul. I want my music to convey all of my existential dread and angst. Similarly, I want to make music that contains all of my joy and optimism but I've clearly biased towards making the first couple. At the very least I can promise that I will have the integrity to continue to make atonal noise until I die. The only way I can reasonably deal with reality is by continuing to disassociate from it, sometimes from the perspective of a drum kit or sometimes from inside of a DAW. Whatever happens in the long run, I've decided that my life will ultimately be defined by the near constant redefining of whatever it is I'm supposed to be or whatever I'm supposed to sound like.

On a slightly lighter note, have a wonderful day! Use your time on this planet to find meaning and foster the best feelings you can fester up for yourselves and your loved ones. Play games, do drugs, have sex, make art. When life gives you cold precipitation, make a shark. 

~ Quarl

CALLING OUT [name redacted], FIGHT ME D:<

Edit: I redacted Nick's name from the title because he never reacted to the post despite this being a love letter to his music festival. When people don't speak up I just assume they hate me or I fucked up somehow. All is well...

Ignore the combative nature of the title of this post. Nick is a good person but he's in my mind right now from a conversation we recently had in Austin Texas at his Astronox music and arts festival. For the unaware, Nick has an account on Newgrounds, FatKidWithAJetpack. Many years ago, Nick uploaded a ton of tasty ambient works produced in Garageband, which is the same program I used circa 2006-2007. One track he uploaded grabbed my attention because it was literally just a loop from the Garageband loop library called "catwalk loop 2" or something. He brought it up at the festival so I figured he's still bugging a little from it.

Newgrounds can probably feel a little gate-keepy for young new music producers as there can be hard modship against covering, remixing, and sampling while being incredibly lax on people like me. I've always felt grateful that those in charge seem to ignore a lot of my sample usage. At the end of the day, Newgrounds is a small operation of misfits and I'm just glad to feel like I have a space to goof off. If someone is looking the other way every time I drop some Captain Falcon grunts, thank you <3

Back to Nick, he now runs an incredible little festival called Astronox with plenty of good vibes. I had the opportunity to attend the festival mostly because my maid of honor EchozAurora was making the trip out to Astronox so I decided to beg my husband for the camp gear despite us having just spent a small fortune on a wedding, a tractor, and a bunch of musical instruments. I knew it would be fun. Nick has curated, organized, and hosted an incredibly fun event! If you're in the area I'd highly recommend doing it up next year!

I love events with copious numbers of creative people of many practices, disciplines, and backgrounds. Some of my favorite events included the 2016 Pico Day event at the NG office, the 2017 North American Beatbox Championships, four years of art school at Alfred University, and now Astronox. As creatives it's good to be social and to get out of the house. Inspiration doesn't happen in a vacuum, so go meet people and experience life! See beauty in all forms of creativity. Some of my favorite artists to talk to at Astronox were actually the food vendors. These creative geniuses literally put some of their food mashups into cut up Tostito bags, look at this bomb ass menu:

If that menu isn't impressing you, try being stoned for five days straight. I bought so much food from this vendor. The tacos were authentic but those garbage Tostito bags existed in their own dimension of flavor and texture c':

While at the festival Nick said something along the lines of "I really need to check out your music" and I saw a small wave of disgust cross his face when I responded with something along the lines of "you know where it is." To make things a little easier for him if he takes the time to read this, the remainder of my post is a gentle push towards some of my best work:

These three songs are hands down my proudest.

I love putting $pare ¢hange at the front of the catalog because it shows off some of my love for ideas stemming from the Romantic masters of European music. Many Newgrounds artists focus entirely on orchestral music but I prefer hearing classical sounds get progressively spliced into contemporary genres and ideas. I had the privilege to take piano lessons and music history at Alfred University. Romantic masters of the 1800s had all sorts of creative legroom not afforded to previous generations of European composers. While the arpeggios in Spare Change are fairly basic and the horns chromatic, I feel like I managed to nail a cinematic sound not previously realized in older tunes. The time signature begins in triple, moves to a duple rhythm, then ends again in a rubato orchestral triple meter. The original song was entirely triple meter but swapping that drum rhythm out for a duple rhythm gave the synth patch a new found freedom from the original triple meter. I've never gotten so lucky with experimental ideas... 

Sounds Nothing Alike sounds obnoxiously similar in tone and style to $pare ¢hange but I always return to it because of the mixdown and groove. Perhaps not the kind of Dubstep most would listen to as it's more electro and dance oriented? As for the third track, Absoluetly No Contrtol, I've always had a good relationship with hipsters having been a gatekeepy youth myself at one time. Absolutely No Control is the edgiest shit I've ever managed to write. My younger self would probably grunt and foot tap in massive approval. I make so much more than edgy and angry shit though, never wanted to get trapped in a little box. The following tracks are some of my favorites that don't grime:

I was really lucky to get to work on We Are Finally Free. A graphic artist here, RickStuebens was learning guitar and posted some of his licks on Discord. I sampled them and made little guitar loops out of them. I'll always look back to youthy highchool days as the paragon of what music should be. Back then we were just dumb kids with fancy instruments and big dreams gathering ourselves on weekends to share jams and experiment. We Are Finally Free embodies an experimental vibe much like a jam session. Random instruments bashfully weave melodies in and out of a driving rhythm and bass. Rick's guitar loops tie the whole song together with a constant lullaby. This was a fun project to share.

Us Chapter 3 is a highlight song from a multi year animation project with Bleak-Creep. In a previous blog I posted an image from my wedding of us standing shoulder to shoulder. I kind of made her a "brides maid" to coax her out for the wedding but working with her on Us meant alot to me. As a transwoman I'm always torn between role model visibility and living a peaceful life of conformity far away from society. Us was a chance to branch out of my grimey dance music and spread my wings as a pianist to help create a piece of LGBT media that might help guide, entertain, or educate others. I was such an angry kid but Newgrounds was always a haven. Us is something soft and beautiful inside a chaotic sea of hentai and furries...

The Feeling You Feel Right Now, I'm Feeling It Too was written after some of the best drug fueled sex in my life. A friend Sean once said something along the lines of "IDM is the most perfect form of music humans have ever created" and while I disagree with him entirely, the genre is still one I massively love. If you're feeling adventurous you can return to 2008 when I wrote "Aeronautics" and hear some of the same vibes and sounds. I don't think it's particularly hard to write uninspired IDM given that the genre lends itself to experimentation but done with the right inspiration it can be a timeless sound.

The previous six songs are among my favorites and they represent the directions I'm always torn in. Though I'm not always busily writing new music for the catalog, I play everyday. Whether it's my drum kit, a guitar, or a piano I'm always grinding away. When the music studio is finally done, expect some folky punk or some grungy rock. One final piece of media to share, this video was an experiment to get me on track towards new goals:

Continuity Error is a mish mash of genres, techniques, and ideas. The dreams I once had in highschool to animate cartoons and make videos were lost over the years to a greater desire to make noise and pay bills. Things are coming full circle now. I'm living my happiest days and I feel young again. Thank you for anyone that felt obligated to read past the click bait and engage with this blog <3

UNLESS YOUR NAME IS NICK SUMBLES, FIGHT ME. I WILL HEADLOCK YOUR DICK D:<

Banner Illustration: Troisnyx

NEW EP $pare ¢hange, BandCamp, Supplies Unlimited (wav)

I know I put out an announcement somewhat recently but this post is mandatory in the memory of the money I just tossed around for illustrations. Technically I didn't have to toss Garden any money but I did BECAUSE I LOVE HER, NO ONE CAN TAKE HER FROM ME D:<

Massive shout out to Troisnyx and Bleak-Creep for their talent that's lending me a fresh new look. My last post was to declare that I needed artists for a new EP and my original hope was to commission some under privileged fresh-out-of-art-school cutie with fire in their eyes and big dreams. I went with two old friends instead because I was pretty confident I'd get good work from them and Bleak-Creep literally said "Wtf, you let me make you some EP art for free now!" 

I snuck her a friendly tip via PayPal when she was done BECAUSE I LURV MY FRIEND SO MUCH and it felt right. It didn't necessarily feel right paying only Troisnyx and not Bleak-Creep, I love both of my friends. The PayPal account is a happy rainy day fund from old contests and BandCamp sales, I try to forget about it so I have small currencies laying around to encourage stuff like this:

EP Illustration: Bleak-Creep

I'm so happy with the two drawings. I think it's worth pointing out that I didn't want to guide them too much. I like it when artists feel things out and make things they want to make. I jokingly told Troisnyx:

I wasn't expecting her to get back to me with an illustration featuring literal "big monies eating smaller monies" or "a personified gang of teeth trading organs in back alley ways" but I kind of got what I asked for and love it. Very adorable interpretation of an odd request. She had also mentioned something about working on a dumpster fire so I asked her to throw that in too because I love dumpster fires. She kept the color scheme Bleak-Creep used to the best of her ability and it's really lending a nice new tone to the Bandcamp layout. I made a few small edits to her work to fit my Bandcamp page and add valuable visual information. Reducing the file size hurt, I can see some of the loss but I do love adding text to stuff and I think it looks fine. Hopefully she doesn't mind:

I wanted to shout out Garnet-Frost and MindChamber for their illustration work on the old BandCamp layout but it looks like Garnet-Frost changed her user name to "ERROR — No user "garnet-frost" exists in our system." For posterity, here's the work she applied to my old page:

Shut up, I know I haven't activated Windows. I'd photoshop the watermark out from the bottom right corner of the above screenshot but I actually adore the obnoxious guilt trip Microsoft is doing. COME AND GET ME BILL GATES, I WON'T ACTIVATE YOUR PROPRIETARY OS, FUCK YOU. I'M SO BADASS. I'M NEVER ACTIVATING WINDOWS. PUT 100 WATERMARKS ON MY MONITOR, NERD D:<

...and like I had mentioned, MindChamber had done a previous EP illustration as well at about the same time as the last Bandcamp update and I love bringing it up:

Tom and I made some progress on the music studio. We started putting up dry wall and I've come to the conclusion that drywall is the shittiest material for building with. We bought a drywall lift to hoist these panels up to the ceiling but we may have destroyed a board which will set us back. You can buy some really expensive drywall lifts, you can rent them, or you can do what we did and buy the cheapest piece of shit dry wall lift available in a small middle-of-nowhere Colorado town.

The lift we have doesn't conform the drywall panel to the exact angle or bend of the ceiling and the little bit of force from gravity the drywall puts on itself by not conforming to the ceiling leads to screws ripping through the board. I usually like to include pictures of the build for a veneer of educational reflection but this time I'm only posting the one above. Drywall is fucking hellish. We also got electricity moved in, wires routed, breakers installed, router for internet, lights purchased but it's all for next time. If anyone has an interest in the studio construction, I've been documenting it regularly for over a year now: 

Music Studio Construction ACTIVATED, Studio Build- Raising The Roof, Poverty Hot Tub, Music Studio Construction Postponed

We didn't have much time to work on the studio this year because we had to prep for the wedding instead. If you're curious about the wedding check out the post: Living My Best Life

One final reminder to check out the new $pare ¢hange EP and help me recoup some of those art funds! Like the total sell-out that I am I've deactivated free downloads for all my music currently available on BandCamp. I will jokingly accept that some of you may pirate my music, just don't claim that my work is your own and remember to ask for permission before using it somewhere else! I like knowing where my music goes. If you use an audio program to rip my music files I want you to immediately title the file and meta data it with my name and information so you always know where the tune came from. These added steps are meant to encourage support but I know some of you are kids with no monies. Just enjoy the music and live happy lives, don't feel bad about ripping my audio for listening pleasure. You might learn something, the Audacity.

If anyone is near Austin Texas, I'll be heading to the Astronox Music and Arts Festival in late October and camping there. 5 day passes are available, so are one day passes! The festival is actually run by an old Newgrounds personality, FatKidWithAJetpack and my maid of honor EchozAurora will be going with her girlfriend:

$pare ¢hange EP, listen or die!

I. Need New EP Art

EDIT: This is embarrassing but I'm letting Bleak-Creep do the art because she's amazeballs. This section still has some relevant information about the new EP and a change in my Free Downloads so I'm editing it to deflect any further applications. Sorry if I got any one's hopes up :C

My last EP was just a bunch of crap tossed together during the 2022 Jamuary song a day challenge, it was $12 for 30 songs and I made a grand total of $0. This time, I'm just tossing some random shit together and making it a "pay what you want" EP called "$pare ₵hange". The Pay-What-You-Want method kind of goes with the theme of spare change but I have some bad news about accessibility; today I'm removing free downloads from the tracks I've stuffed onto past EPs.

(Check my BandCamp or Playlists to see which songs are being limited.)

I'm fucking old by some standards and have no real income. Most of my financial stability revolves around the fact that I'm married to a breadwinner (lucky me). I've always wanted to keep my music accessible and free but with nothing coming in at 34, I can't justify it anymore. I'm "selling out" by removing downloads for a handful of songs that are also hosted on Bandcamp. Ya'll can still download a ton of my other stuff for free, or you can download a program like Audacity and rip audio straight off your hard drives. For anyone interested in "sampling," many audio programs let you record the sounds coming from your hard drive. I have a massive amount of respect for anyone willing to "steal" my mp3s by doing all the extra leg work, fucking do it losers. FUCKING JUST DO IT. STEAL MY SHIT KIDS D:<

Make sure you give the EP playlist for $pare ₵hange a quick listen. There's a lot of experimental dubstep, progressive genre bending, and a few extra gentle songs that don't fit in at all. I have no idea what the album art should look like, that's entirely up for grabs.

II. Unreleased NGP Episode

For anyone interested, I uploaded an old Newgrounds Podcast interview to my Google Drive for a friend. He kept asking and it never occurred to me to just upload the raw stuff from my own computer, so please thank Dieswyx for this upload. Here's two sloppy unedited hours of people talking: never released NGP episode. Also, Shal learns how to hold a knife:

D:

III. More Wedding Pictures

A small Easter egg from my wedding, here's a picture that wasn't included in my last blog because it hadn't been uploaded to the shared folder at the time (or I missed it):

For anyone not familiar, the gorgeous babe on the right is Bleak-Creep. I invited her and her boyfriend to my wedding after finishing work on the Us cartoon series. The fact that she and Danny flew out from Minneapolis made her visit all the more special. She gifted me with some additional illustrations, haven't digitized them yet. Honestly, I've considered asking her to do the art for the new EP but I'm currently AWOL on Discord and I feel like a bad friend. I hide my shame by becoming an invisible person. SHAME ON ME, SHAME. NO AMOUNT OF INVISIBILITY CAN HIDE MY EMBARRASMENT.

Oh, I also forced her to draw in my 2016 Pico Day sketch pad. This sketch book is getting a little worn from all the abusive years but it's still an absolute treasure:

IV. Music Studio Construction

Work on the music studio progressed some. We got the materials to insulate, a drywall lift for the ceiling work, lights, wires, breakers... it's slow work on our own but one day this dream will be real:

I'm not sure how Tom feels about the fact that I snapped this picture of him doing the electrical, but I like having documentation of everything he's doing for me. Naturally I don't get any pictures of the work that I'm doing too but I also have no problem admitting that Tom is the brains of this operation. He'd probably have finished the studio by now if I wasn't such a total bitch all the time, this is totally my fault. EVERY MOMENT IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, LEARN FROM EVERY MOMENT.

Studio things were slow this year from all the work we had to put into our wedding. Couldn't have asked for a better time from the wedding. Despite the slow moving shed there are other projects we have been getting done. We heated the cabin in previous years with a pellet stove but have recently installed electric heat pumps (on our own, like every other project). Tom is adding more battery power to the house to compensate for electric heat:

That last picture has one of the outside units visible on the house, under the left window. We used the Kubota to help lift it into place & dig trenches, I snapped the picture before Tom could see me.

Outro Feelings

If anything about that first section about not making any money from my music seemed like a pity grab, this outro is reassurance that I would rather you people spend that money on yourselves. My life is great, the pictures I included are evidence of how good things really are. I could honestly afford to pay an artist more than $100 for the EP illustration but I've previously charged $100 for OSTs and that's where the amount comes from. I've stayed affordable, kept my music free in most instances. Feel free to negotiate with me over illustrations, it's a tough economy. I look forward to checking out some art. I gotta wrap this blog up, Tom wants to do some more work on the shed and I still haven't shut off downloads. I STILL HAVEN'T SHUT OFF MY DOWNLOADS, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE, GO DOWNLOAD ALL MY MUSIC FOR FREE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, DOWNLOAD IT BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PIRATE IT, DOWNLOAD THE SPARE CHANGE EP BEFORE I FORCE YOU TO BUY IT ON BANDCAMP, DO IT, FUCKING DO IT D:<

edit: I just removed the ability to download all of my old Bandcamp music. Spare Change EP isn't on Bandcamp yet, download these songs now before I make it slightly harder to get them for free.

Turns out the above text/JPEG format doesn't do well on mobile. AHHHHHHH- QUICKLY, DISTRACT THEM WITH IMAGES D:

^Shout out to my girl squad Bleak-Creep and EchozAurora. In the above picture they're furthest left and second furthest left respectively.

I'm unintentionally collecting a small folder of people holding our chickens...

:')

^Apart from the wedding we also got a new tractor to help with projects around the homestead. Construction on the music studio can resume now that the wedding is over. We picked up a ton of insulation batts, gang boxes for switches and lights, dry wall sheets, a dry wall lift to do the ceiling, and a few other things. More pictures when we make some progress on it. I suppose I got one final wedding Easter egg for anyone curious enough to watch a short video of my husband and I kissing, LOOK AT US. LOOK AT US KISSING, IT'S SO GROSS D: D:

An honest statement: a major reason I'm posting this private stuff here is because I grew up on this website. I was an angry kid, self destructive, and harbored thoughts of suicide. I'd like to inspire some of you to survive your darkest periods to get to moments like this. Aspire to make amazing things and meet amazing people. Live a life with adventures, take a few calculated risks, and put some importance on making the people around you happy. Be role models for each other and aim your creative paths towards a steady life. Make some good mistakes, get a stupid tattoo:

Perfect, a wonderfully stupid tattoo. Truly my favorite. I think I'll end the blog here for lack of more real news. I suppose I could share four WIPs I wasn't planning on finishing, for anyone curious: [1],[2],[3],[4]. Not sure how I feel about these...

Regardless, thanks for stopping by and glancing at stuff! Stay healthy kids! No trouble is good trouble.

I. New Music Video: continuity error

I got something that I'm wonderfully proud of today but have yet to find an audience for it. I shared it in a few small circles and got almost no feedback (or negative feedback) but I suppose most artists have trouble finding an audience. I'm not special. My definition of music has always been about making myself happy first, and with this music video I am very happy:

Perhaps I should have taken the time to master the audio as the bass guitar is inaudible on speakers without a bass amp. Made an assumption that a bass guitar would have enough tones to remain present on most speakers and a simple EQ/compressor would clean it up but was very wrong. Such is life. Really didn't expect to love the outcome of this video but truthfully it's the drums I'm most happy with. You can download the audio here on Newgrounds if you so feel.

For the last year I've been "relearning" drums since I sold my last drum kit in my early 20s to afford a move to California where I reset my life in a sense. Much like riding a bicycle, playing an instrument comes back fast. I've also spent a lot of free time this winter learning how to play guitar and the one melody I wrote in high school came back almost immediately. It feels so good to be drumming again, I only wish I was in better physical shape. I live at a high altitude (8,600 feet above sea level) and the lack of oxygen plays a massive roll in my endurance. I firmly believe that a better diet and regular exercise is what I need most but I lack the discipline to get stronk. We actually have a rowing machine in the living room but sitting on it and pulling the cord is the most boring thing I can think of doing.

II. Grooming Young Girls For Their Fertility

Did that get your attention? Tom and I bought three more baby chicks this year to replace the one we lost to a skunk attack last fall. The place we got them from only sold them in numbers as low as three, hence 3=1. We're also picking up a rooster today to help protect the girls in the future and possibly fertilize the eggs. My studio space right now looks a little comical:

III. You Deserve A Better Quarl

I asked Shal for permission to post a comic strip with his likeness in it but I haven't heard back from him so I'll just assume he hates it and I was right to ask for his permission to post it. I really have no idea what people think of me and will quickly delete things when given the opportunity because I don't want to come across like degenerate scum. It all goes back to an identity that revolves around a desire to be funny and make people smile. On the night of my moms suicide, I was cracking jokes through my tears because it's just how I cope. As an adult, I have a desire to stay true to who I am but I also don't want to come across as lacking thought or tact. I'm sorry if anyone has been bothered by my sense of humor but technically I developed it from growing up here, on Newgrounds. If anything, my sense of humor is YOUR fault, Newgrounds. Regardless, I'm always looking for ways to improve but I can promise that I will continue to be paradoxically irreverent and apologetic until I can figure out what it all means on an existential level. I'll post the short strip in my next blog if Shal comes around with permission, he's probably just busy... I hope. SHAL, HEY! REMEMBER THAT TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER? DO YOU REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES?? REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOLD ME ALL OF YOUR SECRETS AND I KEPT THEM BECAUSE I'M A GOOD FRIEND??? Me neither, you've never told me your secrets but if given the chance I would keep them safe...

IV. Have A Nice Day

Tom and I are about to run off to town to pick up the rooster, it's going to be a very busy day. We're still snowed in on the mountain but the snow in the driveway is melting fast:

We still have to come and go in a tracked vehicle but it's not like we didn't prepare for this. The snowmobile has an issue with the clutch not engaging, currently that vehicle is inoperable. We also got our tracked Jeep stuck in the snow this winter but we were finally able to get it out of the deep snow after some melt which brought our numbers back up to two snow vehicles. We rely mostly on a tracked Polaris Ranger, you can watch some of my older music videos from Jamuary to see it in action! Gotta finish this blog off fast, GOTTA GO FAST. GOODBYE NEWGROUNDS, LIVE LONG AND PROSPER.

~ quarl

I. No More Downloads?

(edit: Yendor helped me find the global audio settings so downloads are back on. I guess you can skip this section but I'm keeping it around to artefact my bandcamp link)

Despite the title this isn't some big emergency, just a confusing oddity. I was planning on turning off downloads for songs that I've released to Bandcamp EPs, but it seems that my songs have had their download function recently switched to "off." I started turning the downloads back on for a few songs before I realized that ALL of my songs have been turned off. I assume it's just a global settings oddity of some kind or that I've fallen asleep on a recent update and don't know how to get all my music on the same page. Since I didn't receive a notification or message from a mod I doubt it's anything serious but the annoying thing is, I have hundreds of songs. I was only going to turn off downloads manually for a fraction of them to encourage people to seek out my Bandcamp profile.

I've always tried to keep my music accessible and free because I have a very small niche audience. I don't like the idea of begging people to buy my music and I like to see the downloads to know that people are actually listening to my music out in the wild. If there is a global setting to turn downloads back on could someone point me in the right direction? Otherwise, if this was some kind of mod action could the logic here be clarified? I'm very confused but... meh. It's not very important...

II. Where Is Quarl?

I've been absent much of this year which is especially odd after shitting out 30 songs in January. No idea why the Jamuary song a day event causes me the perfect amount of anxiety to write so much music in such a short period of time but I'm not complaining about that. Just wish that I had the same manic energy to compile some new albums and make some music videos right now.

Instead of writing EDM this year I've spent most of my time offline playing my drum kit and learning guitar. I'm getting to the point where I feel confident recording my guitar licks and using them for music videos. I've also collected a lot of winter footage of the mountain, some of it is so gorgeous that I wanted to make sure I had equally interesting music to join with it. I'm not stressing myself out to make content, instead choosing to make things when the urge returns. I'm very chaotic when it comes to inspiration. I'll go zero to sixty when a weird idea hits. I recently got sucked into a sub reddit called r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns because I saw them having fun with memes:

III. Free Racoons, Raccoonapalooza!!

Eventually I decided to try making friends with them via a free racoon give away:

Nobody got the Speedy Gonzalez reference but I did have people participate with the image and even included a few extra "winners" despite the event stipulations:

One of you may have noticed that I forgot to give the furry a saddle. She didn't seem to mind. There's probably a joke that could be made about furries going bareback but I don't want to be the person that makes it. I'm tempted to do a similar Raccoonapalooza for Newgrounds but I'm also just as likely to smoke some more weed and put off doing my taxes for another week.

IV. What's In The Future?

Moving forwards, continue to expect a general lack of activity from me. Tom and I are tired of all the snow we accumulated this year and as a coping mechanism I've fallen back on my least productive pastime: smoking weed and playing video games. I still do music things, putting hours of play into daily practices and have developed super unsexy guitar calluses. I think I've also started to develop an overuse pain in my shoulder from constant drumming. That brings me down a little but my routines are consistently getting longer and my endurance better. Eventually I'll make something new that I'm very proud of, just waiting to get a rush of manic energy. That may come with Spring but I fear that Tom and I are going to be very busy this summer...

Aside from our wedding in August, we still have a bunch of construction projects to finish. The music studio we were building currently has snow up to the roof. I doubt we're even going to start working on Tom's office that we talked about last year. We've put off finishing the porch. Tom wants to install geothermal heating to lower costs from other methods of heating the house. The geothermal installation will be our first project this season but we've also talked about getting a dish washer which would require us to take out part of the kitchen "island" and renovate a tad. Tom also took up a full time job instead of just contracting so he'll have less time for projects... I'm not sure where I'll find time to make stuff but stressing out about it is the wrong answer.

One day at a time, thanks for stopping by!

tldr: I'm very busy but also not very busy. Also, raccoons.

I. New Music Video "In A Good Place"

Hi all, got a new music video today. I've been wanting to do a video featuring some of my more melodic music with some simple footage of the mountains. I'm not playing any instruments in this one, live music wasn't part of the conceptual idea. I've reused some past video clips but figured no one is paying serious enough attention to care:

The video features the names and work of fellow Newgrounds users Ketyri and Xinxinix, both were sampled.

In an episode of Off The Wall with ThatJohnnyGuy I was unintentionally reminded that I'm known for super obnoxious noise music. The piano I played on BleakCreep's Us cartoon series surprised some people that were expecting some other shit. It can be really hard to get out of a box when people expect your work to sound a certain way. Over the years I've tried balancing different styles and sounds to have depth but when you make a lot of obnoxious noise music people will tend to forget that you studied music in college or can play music for real. Eventually I want to bring all my music and video experience together to do something similar to what FKJ does:

II. My Old Band (Highschool)

I've been learning guitar, bass, and banjo (at 33) to round out what instruments I can play with and have been loving the new hobby. My current life situation is giving me the opportunity to sit around and play guitar like I'm back in highschool without the need to go to school everyday. I'm not sure how kids find the time to get good at anything but they do. Looking back on my youth there wasn't any time to do stuff between afterschool sports, dinner, homework, and sleep but I still found the time to learn how to play the drums for bands, write music, draw for a college portfolio, make animations, and do parkour with a few other willing idiots. I'm not quick to share old footage because it can feel embarrassing but someone I used to play with in Highschool (Jody) has footage of the old band and a few of our old gigs. For anyone curious, I played the drums in Lune which is the first 37 minutes of this video:

Kids are amazing when they aren't wasting their energy on people like Andrew Tate, Alex Jones, or Joe Rogan. The concept of role models continues to influence my behavior online but I'm a piss poor role model most of the time and have embarrassed myself trying to be funny. Regardless, I just want to encourage those on Newgrounds to be creative conduits first and foremost. This generation has too many "influencers" and not enough bonafide artists. We have a surplus of fascination with idiots but not enough motivation to be better people than them.

Being an artist revolves around a lot of solitary moments with your craft. It can be very lonely and depressing, especially if you avoid answering messages from your friends. I don't charge my phone anymore because the majority of messages are spam. It's much easier to tune out from the hustle and enjoy life right now which is probably why I despise sitting at my computer screen so much. When I can force myself to sit in front of a screen, sometimes I come across some great people. Earlier in this blog I shared a video of FKJ but I've also fallen in love with Tim Henson's style of guitar fusion. I want a fraction of this guys skills and am posting two of his videos here for your enjoyment:

That second video is so much fun to watch because it takes me back to highschool and reminds me of what it was like to play with young creative conduits. I'm currently bending the pitch on every guitar note much like he was at 12 and my scales sound about as off key. It's obvious he focused and progressed very quickly, his skill at 17 is already better than most. Young people will do things so quickly in an attempt to find value in themselves but will consistently fail to see that same struggle in others. At 33 years old, my best advice for younger artists is to take plenty of time to look around at what others are doing and elevate them because doing so might also elevate you. Try to put out positive feelings and ideas if only to make the world around yourself a little warmer.

III. Removing Free Downloads

This idea has been percolating for a while but I don't really have an income anymore. I've jokingly changed my about info to say "retired" instead of "horticulture" to reflect a growing acceptance of the life I've got going on right now. There has never been an intention to sell out or change my core philosophies but I'm getting older and I need some kind of revenue in case things go bad. I was surprised the other day by the chunk of change I have in my paypal account and realized that the only income I'm making right now is coming from my bandcamp page. If you want to download my music for free I'd recommend checking out my Playlists for old EPs. Songs from albums on bandcamp will be the first to have downloads removed. I'll still keep tracks up for free if they're not currently on an EP but I've been wanting to gather up my tracks for a new one so download my music today or this weekend if you haven't already. I'll be making it harder to do so in the next few days. If you'd rather skip free downloads and start supporting me today, stop by my bandcamp page and listen to a few things: https://quarl.bandcamp.com/

IV. Discord Dance Party

Some of you may recognize my derpy drawings from Discord or Facebook. I usually just draw stupid shit for personal entertainment in the hope that maybe someone laughs at them? Some of those drawings find their way into my blog but most of them get tossed into a large folder of crap and disappear. I don't know why but about a year or two ago I tried drawing as many personas as I could from the old Newgrounds festivals Discord channel. These drawings have never seen the light of day away from that random instance but I wanted to buff up my post with some additional content so let me know if you recognize anyone:

For anyone wondering, the little blue creature wearing a hat holding a bong is my last braincell working over time to be social at the club. Shamefully my last brain cell gets out more than I do. I think I'll end the post on that note, thanks for stopping by this weird blog and hopefully you watched one or two videos or a few minutes there within. Have a wonderful day and stay creative <3

I. Jamuary 2023 Is Technically Over!!

So this post will mostly gravitate around Jamuary, a really dumb tradition Droid started in 2022 that attempts to inspire gullible musicians to write a song a day for the entire month of January, despite the front page of Newgrounds saying Jan 1st - Jan 30th. Let us not forget that there is one day left of the month, we still have the 31st to look forward to! Honestly, I'm skipping the 31st to protest a day that shouldn't exist. It's a power move. Last year I skipped the 30th of Jamuary to prepare for and host a Newgrounds Winterfest panel called "music is 4 everyone." This year I'm skipping the 31st to listen to music by others that fell for Droid's holiday. Don't let my attitude or words fool you, I'm very grateful that Droid got this event off the ground because you can learn a lot along the way and produce some great stuff by forcing yourself into a daily workflow. Expect a song sometime tomorrow instead :p

There were years in which I only put out a handful of songs because I was so infuriated by bad quality and gear. I only wanted to put out good music those years but as a result put out almost no music. Jamuary forces you past the feeling that things need to be great all the time. At art school I learned that the best medicine for bad drawing is to draw everyday. It's the same when learning how to play an instrument. Creatives will sometimes state that they prefer to see quality over quantity but quantity is what refines your work and leads to quality. Quantity is essential in the grand scheme if you want your work to lead to something bigger.

There are some tunes I'm very happy with this month but first, a shout out to the other artists that kept up the hustle, and those that tried.

baryiscool - I will verify that this man wrote a song everyday and therefor earned his name baryiscool. I'm waiting to hear back from him for some guidance and input into what he's most proud of but for now, here are a couple of tracks I listened to that stood out:

[EDIT] bary got back to me with Rise Of The Dragon King and eXtraverted. These are his favorites from the month:

epikuro - Another user that stuck with the holiday and wrote a song a day, epikuro had some serious diversity and breadth. It looks like they're suffering from a zero bomber, if you're reading this help fix those scores. Like bary, I hit him up for guidance through the 30 track catalog but I'm still waiting to hear back. These are a few tracks I've listened to so far that I liked:

Epik got back to me really early in the morning with a few suggestions and favorites:

[EDIT]

hyenaedon - I wasn't even aware hyena was doing the event until I was tagged in their own Jamuary blog but they managed to write a song a day for the entire month! When asked for a few favourites I was directed to "Spudnuts," "Rym Flare," and " Celesta. "

TeraVex - started out strong on day one and two but we lost him early on. We all know that mofo can write though so let's refrain from shaming him <3

Droid - We lost our host early on this year. He forgot to make a thread for the event but I'll still champion him for inspiring the massive amount of work that went into our songs this month. I've seen conflicting posts from him in the past stating the fear that he needs to spend less time online or that he needs to focus more on real life but we've all been there. Screen time is a massive paradox of feelings. I suspect he didn't make the thread on purpose hoping we'd forget about the month BUT WE'RE STILL HERE BITCH AND WE LOVE YOU.

DiosselMusic - Made a brief appearance with six Jamuary tracks after missing the first seven days. I can appreciate the hustle though and I'm a huge fan of their DNB [that's a relative phrase, I don't spend enough time listening to their work and dropping them reviews but it's really good stuff.] It sounds like from the six tracks posted they were feeling a humble prog hiphop/house sound that wanted to remain a little gentle.

MilkyPossum - Our darling milk maiden started out really strong but we lost her early on like so many greats. I love her energy and her work echoes a hectic desire to write video game music like no other. In my mind, I put her and Teravex in the same category of people that can write continuously, unabashedly, and with impressive style. Let's celebrate her participation regardless of the drop off because in all reality, writing a song a day means you have no life or perhaps a unique life conducive to focus entirely on writing. Everyone that dropped off is living their lives everyday and a love for music is something easily burned. Everyone that attempted the event deserves some love and respect.

[EDIT] I forgot to point at acheney for starting an unnoficial offshoot thread early on but he removed his Jamuary tracks and stopped posting so I'll assume he felt some sort of emotion? Regardless of his reasons I want you all to clap with me for his efforts. Bless his heart.

I'll continue to edit the above section as the day goes on and note the people and tracks I missed. Hit me up with suggestions below, I want to post tracks that people are proud of <3

II. Music Videos In Front Of A Laundry Machine

As part of Jamuary I decided to show off some of my film chops. Despite studying cinematography in both high school and University I almost never dig into that world. The speed at which the technology and formats changed was enough to make my head spin. Learning on linear and nonlinear editing machines in highschool I quickly had to adopt new information to account for better gear in uni, blue-ray, surround sound, video synthesis, animation, multiscreen installations, and a handful of other things that may or may not be out of style already. The world of technology changes fast and I couldn't adopt reasonable strategies to keep up. The following videos are entirely for fun and not meant to be taken seriously. Regardless I'm very proud of the life I live and these videos are a glimpse into what I consider a humble existence in the middle of nowhere.

I got so much laundry done this month DX

III. A Few Jams I'm Proud Of This Month

Since I don't have to message myself and wait for a reply, here are a few tracks I'm super pleased with this year and why:

^ Probably a little over compressed but a good start to the month. I felt like the first of Jamuary last year was a little weak but this years first track gave me the hubris and energy I needed to make it through the month. When you start off on a good foot the need to outdo yourself becomes more palatable.

^ The fuck was I on day 2, this one brings me much joy.

^ Technically a cop out, I wrote this song a few years ago. I deleted the heavy drums from the track and imo, it shines really well without them.

^ This one got almost no attention, possibly because I tried to steal the genre Goth music instead of labeling this as dubstep? Who knows, I just like the obnoxious ass lead and DMX samples. Personal amusement.

^ Fuck, I need to make more easy listening. I don't have any trouble writing this kind of stuff but the psychological desire to spend my time sampling DMX and writing super obnoxious synth leads is powerful. Sue me.

^ Spent a lot of time playing Fromsoft games this last year, Bloodborne is a gem. When I love something, I sample it. All the yelling and screaming samples this month came from it, don't report me to corporate. I'm just vibing.

^ I write one four to the floor track every three to five years and they almost always sound like my dubstep stuff. This is it for you four-to-the-floor lovers, here's your gross pulsating four-to-the-floor shlop. Love it or leave it.

IV. I Love You

I'm really bad at responding to messages and staying active despite the fact that I seem to have all the time in the world right now. My life is very conducive to making things and staying on my computer but there's a psychological conflict to spend time away from my screen. Perhaps it was my mom growing up as she took away tv and game privilege, trying to reinforce the need to "play outside." Maybe it comes from social media execs warning us against excessive screen time. When notifications pile up I get a lurching sick or fear that I'm letting people down or that I'm ignoring them. Despite Jamuary, we should all strive to spend less time on our computers. I often thank the existence of Newgrounds because I would never have found my fiance and my amazing life without a strange series of events that led me to drive around the country meeting people. The peer pressure to make digital things is a hauntingly fascinating aspect of Newgrounds that borderlines a shared sickness but we're all sick together. You people are all amazing, never insignificant, and always fascinating. I love you all, even when I don't take the time to say it <3

Cheers!

Table of contents:

I. Music Studio Postponed

II. Poverty Hot Tub & New Jeep Tracks

III. Jamuary Event & Studio Equipment

IV. A Throwback To My Oakland Apartment

V. Outro

Yo Tom Fulp, up the photo limit on blogs so I can always include silly drawings for the table of contents >:C

I. Music Studio Postponed

Snow has finally arrived on the mountain which means the work we've been doing on the music studio will be postponed until next spring. We managed to wrap the building and put some of the siding over the windows and walls; the structure should be safe covered in snow. Would have been nice if we had the money and time to finish the studio this winter, especially with Jamuary starting up in a few days but we still don't have insulation up or a heat source installed. If anyone is interested in the DIY studio build, read a few of my older blogs. Here's a couple pictures of the wrap job we did and some of the siding from before the snow fell.

II. Poverty Hot Tub & New Jeep Tracks

I'd take a picture of the studio build right now with a little more of the siding up but I don't feel like trudging through the snow to get it. This is a tough time of year because our roads get shut down and closed. We have to plan and prepare so that we can manage the next five to six months while covered in snow with zero road maintenance. We got two new toys to help manage our time with the snow, specifically tracks for our Jeep and a ghetto DIY hot tub.

The hot tub is just a recycled container we used last year to raise our baby hens in. Additionally we used a copper coil, some hosing, a pump, and a burn barrel. We popped a bottle of champagne open for Christmas and sat in it under the stars. Was very relaxing, water was nice and hot, stars were clear and beautiful. We get some really nice views of the milky way on the mountain, the nearest light polluting town being about an hour away and no neighbors. Half of the reason we moved to the mountains was for Tom to pursue his hobby in astrophotography. Some of the nebula photos he took in Tennessee are in an older blog which also includes some of our studio build progress. Go check that blog out. I also recently used a few of his nebula photos for the secret santa event. I was given CMYK Space Lady an OC by simoonmander. Made a tiny gif using some cheap effects and free software. Simoonmander is relatively new to Newgrounds so go give him some love, scout him, and go make friends :3

(For some reason the animation doesn't always work, go visit the art portal page for those high def nebulas)

III. Jamuary Event & Studio Equipment

For any musicians or composers that love an arbitrary challenge, Droid is hosting the Jamuary Song-A-Day-Challenge starting on January first and ending on the thirty first. Last year I turned my 30 tracks into an album around the theme Don't Give Up Until It's Over. I also hosted a Winterfest panel that month called Music Is For Everyone, themed around beat boxing and music appreciation for the musically uninitiated. I've been sharing music this last year with my fiance, teaching him what little I know while watching him digest music theory in his own time.

He's using Ubisoft's Rock Smith pictured above. It's essentially a guitar hero rip that plugs in your own instruments and slowly builds your chops with regimented lessons and practices. Please ignore the mess in our house photos. Tom's office is a project we haven't even started so his paper work eventually becomes one with the house floor. Eventually we'll build Tom an office above our shipping containers but that's a DIY project that will take some serious time and effort. With a wedding to plan for next year, I'm not sure how long it will take us to build a functioning heated second story office over these two containers:

Since we don't have kids running around we can spend spare money on hobbies and DIY construction projects. Tom got really interested in PRS guitars last year, hence all the new instruments. Though I played some bass & guitar in highschool, I'm not a pro with string instruments and prefer my place behind drums. I had to sell my childhood drum kit in my early 20s to pursue a life across the United States but have been getting back into it thanks to a recently acquired Alesis e-drum. Would love to incorporate the new instruments and toys into a few projects for Jamuary next month, let's see if I can get some music videos produced :3

IV. A Throwback To My Oakland Apartment

I'm sorry if these blog posts seem to show off luxuries. I've had some tough solo years, recently went into my old blogs and deleted a post about a drive by shooting I watched from an Oakland apartment I was renting at the time. It just felt weird reading about that time of my life through the veneer of artsy pessimism and fancy words. The apartment was my sanctuary in a very poor neighborhood. Though that year was incredibly tough (and the work that paid my bills legally questionable) I'll always have a somewhat fond memory of this space:

Ignore the heater's proximity to the bed, they were pushed closer for the picture. I was assaulted outside my door once by a kid named Tino, had to rely on a martial arts background to defend my property. There is a whole story surrounding the beef that led up to it involving a piano, a meth lab, and some train hopping but I'd rather keep blog writings positive and happy. Street violence and poverty are fascinatingly American issues that get glossed over because so many of us become indifferent to the suffering that others experience or are born into. The advice I often give others is to focus on keeping a roof over your head and know where your next meal is coming from. My time in Oakland taught me what it was like to be hungry and to be paranoid of every stranger you walk past on the street. It feels a lot better to be on the mountain, away from humans and sharing a house with this guy:

I'm in a good space. Feeling a little domesticated at the moment but after all the challenges life threw at me in my 20s it just feels all the better to have something idyllic and peaceful right now. There were more photos I'd love to share but I've hit the limit again...

V. Outro

I really wish they'd up the number of pictures you can include in blogs just a little bit. I love to include stupid drawings for the table of contents but that will get glossed over today in favor of the photos I chose to exhibit. Eventually more images will get shared in future installments but I'm going to keep this blog up for a little while as a strong reminder that life was good for me in 2022. Remember to hit some of the hyperlinks I provided above, check out some of the content I've uploaded to youtube, and support my adventures via purchasing some terrible music I've previously uploaded to BandCamp. Go listen to the podcast LD-W made featuring the 2022 Audio Deathmatch finalists. I provided some super dumb voice samples having helped a little in the judging process. Massive shoutout to Zechnition for winning it with his unique stylings and hyper melodic sounds.

Cheers and happy New Years Newgrounds. Go kill it in 2023 :D